Feeling Sorry
by Tsukishiro-chan
Summary: Inspired by Paramore's Feeling Sorry, a short story about what would eventually happen to Doumeki as time moves forward. Enjoy!


Seeing as I got flack for not enough dialogue last time I wrote something like this I just thought I'd let you know I haven't changed my style. There's still no dialgue as it's not needed! Let's go! OH, and Doumeki's finished school and is fairly middle aged by now.

Feeling Sorry - Paramore

Doumeki and Watanuki Post-xxxHOLiC

It was not often that the ever stoic Shizuka Doumeki changed his mind, but the decision he had made today had agonised him for months, years even, and it was time for change.

Doumeki wasn't one to get annoyed, he was usually able to bear strange or exhausting circumstances without complaint or discomfort, but this time the strangeness was finally getting to him. Watanuki had changed as soon as he had taken over the shop. He had turned into her, or at least tried and Doumeki resented it. Doumeki hated going to all those familiar places on errands for him, without him. He went to all the regular shops, even back to school, but no one inquired after Watanuki. As if he never even existed, and Doumeki was beginning to believe it himself.

Doumeki tried to stick with it. He tried to tolerate the all knowing looks Watanuki wore when he had customers. He tried to bear the onslaught of time, seemingly ineffective on Kimihiro's life, yet relentless in its effects on himself.

After a while Doumeki stopped expecting a fight when he came over. He no longer had he pleasure of being yelled at, being teased and taunted. He had never wanted that familiarity to end, now that Himawari was his only friend outside of that suspended and deadly world inside the shop, and he had tried pushing it, but to no avil. The loss of the easy insults had made Doumeki feel like the Watanuki he had known was slowly being destroyed by the time passing in the shop. There were no more errands run together. No more friendly banter was exchanged in the street. No more elation at the sight of Himawari. Hardly anyone knew he had even existed anymore. Everything was changing, had changed, and it was time for Doumeki to move on, there was no place from him in the silent world imprisoning Watanuki.

He knew that Watanuki would know of his choice as soon as he made it, which angered him a little. He didn't want this Watanuki to know, he wanted the old Watanuki back.

He entered the shop, the prison, for what he knew was the last time. Watanuki's slitted eyes peered at him through the scented smoke, examining the man he thought he had known. His dark kimono fell around him, revealing skin that the old Watanuki would never had let show. Doumeki let the sake bottle he had bought as a gift slip from his fingers and it bumped heavily on the wooden floor, yet didn't topple over. Watanuki's mismatched eyes closed slowly, then unclosed, suddenly filled with sadness.

Doumeki read the apology in them, but turned away. He didn't want apologies, he didn't want tear-jerking excuses, he didn't want to see this wish granting imposter. He didn't want anything from this place anymore. He could barely wait to get out, to escape the deadly passing of time in this place, to try a new life, a new place in the world instead of by his side. He didn't have the time to wait around for the real Watanuki to come back. He rolled the egg he held between his palms, knowing he could never use it, then turned away, ignoring the sounds of protest coming from Watanuki. It surprised him a little that he didn't feel anything. No remorse or regret, sadness or loss. He just walked away, leaving the willing prisoner of this place behind. The shop didn't try to stop him. Moro and Maru watched him leave with wide eyes, and Mokona frowned after him. Once he was out of the gates and on the road, he went home and packed his bags, feeling as lonely as he had been since Watanuki had become the wish-granter. He took one last look around the temple where he had spent his youth, then hid the key and left a note for the caretaker. The bare trees swayed as he strode down to the exit, and left his old world behind him.

The train station was almost empty as Doumeki waited for the last train. A light rain fell as he watched the messenger approach him. He frowned disapprovingly at the piece of paper shaped like a butterfly. He didn't bother to read the message, he wanted nothing to remind him of what he was leaving. He took a pen from his briefcase and wrote a small message, in the hope that one day, hopefully while he was still young, Watanuki would return.

"Promise me tonight: If it's the last thing you'll do, you'll get out."

The message flew back to it's master, the train came and Doumeki left it all behind. He had no time for feeling sorry for himself or for Watanuki, he had already wasted enough time waiting in that same old town. He looked towards the future, knowing there was to be no looking back, no sadness wasted on ungrantable wishes and no regret for what was never meant to be.

CLAMPCLAMPCLAMP

These guys were such a disappointment in the end, I could really slap CLAMP right now. But I think this is the kind of choice that Doumeki could make and Watanuki wouldn't dare stop him. We all knew he had to leave sometime and I don't believe it would've ended in tears or spontaneous sex. I like this story. If you don't, give me a good reason why before you move on. And unclosed is a real word. Read Jane Eyre.

Thanks guys~!


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